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incoming

December 20, 2008

dear god, please help me through this trying time.  my parents are flying in on chistmas day and it might be too much for me to handle.  i know that generally people feel that the holidays are a time to spend with family, so i feel like a real jerk saying that i would prefer not to.  especially with my parents living clear across the country i should be lucky that i get to see them at all, but the truth is that i would rather not see them at all.

i do not miss them.  i do not miss feeling obligated to spend time with them.  absence does make the heart grow fonder, but it cannot make my heart grow fond enough.

my father i can bear, maybe even start to like.  the problem is that my father comes with my mother, and she drives me mad.  she smokes, she drinks a lot even though she’s diabetic and she has a gambling habit.  even at 30 she has left me feeling odd and damaged.  i wish i could say why, but i don’t feel like it would be appropriate to put it out in print.

i just want to live a normal life and enjoy the holidays with friends and family minus the odd, damaged feeling.  i wish i had a mother that i felt could care about me, but unfortunately i’m afraid that she can’t.

dear readers, please forgive me for being criptic, maybe i can expand at a later date.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. December 20, 2008 11:05 pm

    I can so relate. My father is dead and I can not stand to be in my mother’s presence longer than 10 minutes, which really makes Christmas Day a blast….

  2. December 21, 2008 3:01 am

    Believe me, I understand. I’m not spending Xmas with my mom either; she’s going to visit friend instead. I was so relieved to hear it.

  3. December 21, 2008 12:47 pm

    That is why the sying “you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family” exists.

    I feel for you hun. I have avoided my mother for many years at Christmas time now. She was none too impressed so I have to go there this year. Keep smiling and you’ll get through it!

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