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December 20, 2008

dear god, please help me through this trying time.  my parents are flying in on chistmas day and it might be too much for me to handle.  i know that generally people feel that the holidays are a time to spend with family, so i feel like a real jerk saying that i would prefer not to.  especially with my parents living clear across the country i should be lucky that i get to see them at all, but the truth is that i would rather not see them at all.

i do not miss them.  i do not miss feeling obligated to spend time with them.  absence does make the heart grow fonder, but it cannot make my heart grow fond enough.

my father i can bear, maybe even start to like.  the problem is that my father comes with my mother, and she drives me mad.  she smokes, she drinks a lot even though she’s diabetic and she has a gambling habit.  even at 30 she has left me feeling odd and damaged.  i wish i could say why, but i don’t feel like it would be appropriate to put it out in print.

i just want to live a normal life and enjoy the holidays with friends and family minus the odd, damaged feeling.  i wish i had a mother that i felt could care about me, but unfortunately i’m afraid that she can’t.

dear readers, please forgive me for being criptic, maybe i can expand at a later date.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. December 20, 2008 11:05 pm

    I can so relate. My father is dead and I can not stand to be in my mother’s presence longer than 10 minutes, which really makes Christmas Day a blast….

  2. December 21, 2008 3:01 am

    Believe me, I understand. I’m not spending Xmas with my mom either; she’s going to visit friend instead. I was so relieved to hear it.

  3. December 21, 2008 12:47 pm

    That is why the sying “you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family” exists.

    I feel for you hun. I have avoided my mother for many years at Christmas time now. She was none too impressed so I have to go there this year. Keep smiling and you’ll get through it!

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