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foreign object removal

October 30, 2007

i talked to paul t. on the phone last night and told him a little about the strange things i see (. . . i almost forgot to post it). it’s a fairly common that we see a female patient for a foreign object removal, the object tends to be a tampon or a diaphragm that the user has difficulty removing. well, here’s a couple stories from the trenches for you:

  • a woman comes in stating that she was having trouble removing something. low and behold it was a wad of cash she was trying to hide from her pimp. this is why my mother always told me to wash my hands after handling money.
  • a woman comes in for her annual pap smear, while the doctor was obtaining the sample she sees something. the doctor asks the patient what it could be, the patient has no clue. the doctor removes the item and shows it to the patient who is unable to identify it. the patient asks the doctor “what is that??” the doctor responds “how am i supposed to know? it was in your vagina.”
  • an elderly woman calls complaining of “green stuff” (yes, it is as bad as you can imagine, so if you don’t think you can take it stop reading here.) the patient comes into the office, the doctor takes a look and there were plants growing out of the woman’s vagina. the woman had used a potato as a pessary. she forgot that she had put it in there and it sprouted. using potatoes was common practice in the 19th century, and remains common practice today in rural areas of less developed countries.
4 Comments leave one →
  1. liz permalink
    October 30, 2007 8:45 pm

    hey – I love the new look – you have to show me how you did it!!

  2. jvalways permalink*
    October 30, 2007 8:46 pm

    oh . . . so, you are not shocked and appalled by this post??? (she asks with disappointment.)

  3. November 1, 2007 4:38 am

    “how an i supposed to know? it was in your vagina.”

    Funniest thing I read all day!

  4. November 27, 2007 11:56 am

    Oh yuck!! I’m sitting here laughing histerically – this is my first visit and I’m looking around for something to comment on and here it is … How could someone not comment or be shocked?? Geez.

    Thanks so much for the laughs this morning.

    I’ve been trying to get around to my regulars but got stuck here…thanks for being here. I hope to keep seeing you around.

    Peace, love, everything.

    ~ RS ~

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